Forgive me for the name of this entry but it is fitting for the way I am feeling these days.
It was just two months ago that I quit my full time job to go back to school yet it feels like its been forever. I feel as if my quality of life has improved drastically despite the fact being in school means my stress level is sky high. I’ve never been more nervous or stressed in my entire life and I feel thankful every single day that I have such a fantastic support system in my friends, my family and especially Matt. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be doing any of this.
It’s amazing how much you learn about yourself in your 20’s. I feel like I’ve learned more about life in the past 3 years than I ever did the first 24 years of my life. I know a large part has to do with my relationship, yet the other part – it just has to do with growing up.
The most important thing I’ve learned recently is that you don’t ever have to settle. I know that this is something you’ve probably had beaten into your brain already but I really wonder if you actually know it. I didn’t. Lack of finances and existing student loans made the thought of going back to school seem like a pipe dream. I thought I was doomed to live my life as an administrative assistant, always wanting more but never getting that chance. I felt completely lost. I didn’t have a purpose. My job was to answer phones and assist with crap I didn’t feel meant anything in the long run. Who was I helping? What was my purpose? I didn’t have any answers and each day I felt as if the life was being sucked out of me.
Making the decision to do a complete career change and go back to school was actually easier than you would think. I decided I wanted to do it but putting it in motion and actually following through was the hard part. Quitting my job and relying on Matt was the scariest decision I have ever made. Recently he told me I was fiercely independent, which to me seemed that was just a nice way of calling me stubborn, yet what he meant had never really occurred to me until he said it. I have always been willing to accept help from people, usually just my parents. They’re my parents and I always make a point to pay them back or argue or thank them depending on what it is they are helping me with. But relying on someone else, not even a family member, but a boyfriend, someone you aren’t even married to, but is willing to do whatever they can to support you financially and emotionally while you figure your shit out? Forget it.
It is scary and I must admit that though I am sitting here saying that you can do anything you want – I feel that if I didn’t have the support system that I have I don’t know if I would be doing any of it. I really don’t. But the one thing I can say to you is this – if there is anything about your life that you are not happy with – whether it be your job, your relationship, your body, no matter what your situation – change it. Because you can. The only person who can change your life is you. It’s repetitive and it’s obvious – but it isn’t easy. Think about you. Think about your life. And know that you can do anything. You are capable of changing careers, going back to school, following that dream, getting out of that crappy relationship, changing lives, changing YOUR life. Don’t be afraid because chances are you have an amazing support system who will be there to catch you if you fall. You are not alone.
It was after I realized that I was capable of anything that I started changing my life. Eight months ago I could barely run a mile – and now I can run a 5k without stopping. Three months ago I was working a thankless job and now I’m in school so I can help people and put meaning into my work. I feel fantastic. I have never felt more fit, more motivated, more stressed yet more happy in my life than I do at this moment. This is not me trying to tell you how awesome my life is – this is me telling you that I made changes to my life and it was scary but it was worth it.
So I’ll close with this – jump. Don’t be afraid to change your life. You only live once – make the most out of the life you have been given and do the things you think are out of your reach. Prove to the world what you are capable of. But mostly, prove to yourself that you are capable of anything you set your mind to.
Take the leap. Maybe you’ll learn to fly.